Article | Love & Relationships | Mental Health | Motivational | Self Growth
So, real starts with yourself?
Is it your situation disguised as mine in this blog? Maybe.
Where were you a year ago? To look back to yourself a year ago and do a quick Profit & Loss check is not really weird and I hope it’s not uncommon too. To compare how far you’ve come, what you gained, what you lost is like a hygiene check for personal growth. From where I stand today, when I gist what all I’ve lost and gained in the last year, I am bit ruly, bit indexical with what I am observing. I am pretty sure the things I am going to pen down ahead is something you might’ve gone through too. Its just that most people do not talk openly to admit what I have conveyed in the lines ahead.
Let’s get Personal…
LOSS: What do I say, this year has been even more atrangi than my previous year! Keeping the financial and political stances at bay and keeping the emotional department at focus, what has happened is so opposite to the goals I had in mind and efforts I’d put in. Guess what! I lost even more friends in the last year. Plus, I had to quit being in certain relations that just weren’t serving me well. Also, no luck with moving forward with things I had invested so much time and my complete self into either. It’s like I am left with nothing in my hand right now. This sucks. This feeling sucks big time. I miss having people I can actually connect to. It as if most of the beloved people, things that really mattered to me so much are all gone. Gone without closure, gone taking everything I ever gave to them. So, I’m writing this post, wanting to tell this out there to someone like me, for I know it can help you understand your situation better. Chill, it’s not like this is end of everything you had or wanted in life. You’re infact getting closer to your goals.
LOSS: What do I say, this year has been even more atrangi than my previous year! Keeping the financial and political stances at bay and keeping the emotional department at focus, what has happened is so opposite to the goals I had in mind and efforts I’d put in. Guess what! I lost even more friends in the last year. Plus, I had to quit being in certain relations that just weren’t serving me well. Also, no luck with moving forward with things I had invested so much time and my complete self into either. It’s like I am left with nothing in my hand right now. This sucks. This feeling sucks big time. I miss having people I can actually connect to. It as if most of the beloved people, things that really mattered to me so much are all gone. Gone without closure, gone taking everything I ever gave to them. So, I’m writing this post, wanting to tell this out there to someone like me, for I know it can help you understand your situation better. Chill, it’s not like this is end of everything you had or wanted in life. You’re infact getting closer to your goals.
I admit I feel lost, deeply hurt, so damn lonely. There was a time when I was surrounded with lots and lots of people, having great times and happy bonds. Things change, people change, distances get more distant, and now I am not sure if I would voluntarily want to call anyone in the middle of night when I am having trouble with thoughts trying to drown me. There are many who tell you they’re there for you, but really, to how many can you connect on what you’ve got to say?
All this what sounds like loser and socially deformed attributes, actuallydelineate the strength of a personality to be WILLING to face harsh streaks to get closer to knowing oneself. So here’s a chance for you to give yourself some deep understanding about the situation you’re facing. Why understand the situation when you can just go cold and pretend like nothings happened? ….⬇
GAIN: Giving up further more relations despite knowing that I already keep a very filtered crowd in my life has really not been a compulsion, it has always beena choice. I walked out of relationships with people which constantly made me feel my un-importance in their lives and how much little did I matter there; I finally stopped those negative inflows right there, not out of compulsion, but out of sheer choice. I value people who walk into my life as I believe that every human is amazing in his own ways, and I would want to look at things from perspective too to get wiser. I value love and relationships a lot. And you can make out from this that giving up on something very easily isn’t my first choice for sure. So the relations where I felt I was ending up feeling low about myself, I tried to understand them first to make things better. And when the sunk costs were rising, I didn’t go berserk, I just snapped out. I don’t think I had any reason to even promote a closure. I snapped out, out of choice. And you must wonder, why I put these things under the header of GAINs when all I am eventually talking about is CHOICE.
Firstly, Intangible gain > Tangible loss. My sole purpose of writing this blog on such a personal level is to give an answer to those people who claim constantly to have real connections, real communications, real happiness in their lives and feel frustrated when they don’t get that kind of connection and feel isolated.
Now, CHOICE is always a GAIN. When you pray for something great in life, make sure you first have some space to keep that what you pray for. If you are constantly in heed of real connections, ensure there is enough space in your circle for that. When you are not ready for blessings, you will always blow up the beautiful things you will be given. To have real bonds in today’s world is not as easy as it was some centuries ago. Ideally close connections are supposed to be real. This is a basic attribute, but things have been in a certain way now, that such basic needs have become our wishes and dreams. Get real with yourself first and the rest is simply a domino effect of it. If you have a dire need to cleanse your circle and deal with some reality, these are the things I would like to say:
Now, CHOICE is always a GAIN. When you pray for something great in life, make sure you first have some space to keep that what you pray for. If you are constantly in heed of real connections, ensure there is enough space in your circle for that. When you are not ready for blessings, you will always blow up the beautiful things you will be given. To have real bonds in today’s world is not as easy as it was some centuries ago. Ideally close connections are supposed to be real. This is a basic attribute, but things have been in a certain way now, that such basic needs have become our wishes and dreams. Get real with yourself first and the rest is simply a domino effect of it. If you have a dire need to cleanse your circle and deal with some reality, these are the things I would like to say:
- Its not easy to choose to be lonely as fonk when you are already going through a lot. Still, choose it over fakeness and that is a more pitiful scenario.
- Its not easy to give up on a relationship for which you have slogged your gut off. Still, choose to give up on it and walk away with some self-worth than having to be treated like an experimental specimen.
- Its not always about you. If you have someone who is equally trying hard to keep you, choose to take care of them. If you take care of such things, they last.
- Don’t go in wrong arms, wrong circle and trying to be like them just because you want to be accepted. Choose to be unique, unless you are intending for gold digging as it wont work there! 😛
- Having more friends is not an issue; but I have always seen that most genuine people do not walk in crowds with a big crowd. Choose your little herd, real friends> more friends.
- At times family fonks you first, choose to be isolated emotionally with them. Care for them, but yeah, it is fine to not have forces connections with people who don’t get you. Fonk the blood-relation-goddamnbiology theory.
- In the process of making space for genuine things in life, don’t obsess over it. Give chances, take chances. Choose to be totally afresh when you let new people in your life. Leave your past where it should be.
· Be grateful to this life and the people who walk in it with you, love them, care for them, but live your life on your terms. Do no harm and stay unharmed. Reciprocate, be receptive. Life is too short to get influenced to what anyone else has got to say, you have the freedom to choose building a fake connection community or some seriously real connections. There is nothing right or wrong about these two choices. Its just that real is more reliable and durable. It is about a standard of life and the way you want to live in a way that you stay close to your roots and know who you are. I strongly believe that everyone is good at heart, but not everyone serves you good. So you got to stand for yourself, make your choices and enjoy those decisions!
What do you think about it?
-Madhvi Panchal
-Madhvi Panchal
@madhvi_
I’m happy to bring value to you readers! You can follow my work on Instagram : @madhvi_
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Madhvi Panchal
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Very well written!!